I
am no longer half of an engaged couple. That's pretty hard for me to wrap my
head around, mostly because I have not been 'just' Kaeli for three years. For
three years, my name has immediately been associated with Michael's.
Now
I'm in a difficult position. Who am I without him?
Truth
be told, our relationship broken a long time ago. But when you love someone,
you're willing to play pretend, and smooth over the wrinkles.
So
now, I see all these single girlfriends telling me that there are better men, I
deserve my prince charming, you'll find your soul mate, and have been pushed
towards 'I know this great guy,' or, 'Let me tell you, I have a friend...'
I
have come to a compromise.
Yes,
I deserve better than the way I was treated. Those hidden, secret wounds ripped
open by someone who was never supposed to betray me.
But... I'm not convinced there's a 'better' or a 'perfect.'
I
see cutesy little posts on facebook with long, elaborate descriptions of the
perfect man. Let me break it to you, ladies. No man is going to go buy you
tampons, chocolate and a chick flick, then come home and watch it with you lovingly
while you are a raging, angry, hormonal witch, bloated and negative and complaining about every move he makes.
Why
can't the perfect man exist?
Because
you yourself are imperfect.
How
can you expect something from someone when you are unable to replicate it
yourself? Remember, if you're allowed to mess up, he should be too. Be
forgiving, be patient.
You
will find him. He will be wonderful. But occasionally, you will want to
strangle him. He may not be able to show you he loves you in the way you want,
because honey, he's got a different downstairs mix-up. He's a man. You don't
actually want to be with your best friend minus the boobs, do you?
Hold
out for passion. Hold out for friendship. Hold out for butterflies and romance
and let yourself fall hard. Because love, true love, is a beautiful, messy,
confusing thing. And quite honestly, it wouldn't be nearly as special if it
wasn't such an imperfect journey.
“They
didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all
the time and challenged each other every day. But despite their differences,
they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other.”
―
Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
